Clinton Haters Never Underestimate, Rather Exploit the Stupidity of the General Public

Todd Palin returned home today, only to be worked over by a group of investigative journalists in a case of mistaken identity.
"They peed on my rug, man," Palin groaned, "That rug really tied the room together."
Palin, who the Republicans had hoped would help boost their ticket, has become known for going a bit off-message. In yesterday's McCain/Palin conference call, he appeared to lash out at McCain as he spoke of his POW service:

I'd just like to quickly address the concerns of those enamored with the Clintons, concerning the fate of their beloved Hillary.

According to campaign operatives, Hillary was under a great deal of sniper fire the day she made the RFK assassination gaffe - ultimately leading to the temporary "suspension" of her campaign. Like most stupid comments the Clintons make, reparations must be made. And this takes time.

Parker Brothers, makers of the beloved Monopoly board game, have drawn fire from critics for their latest innovation, created in cooperation with Google - Race Card.

With the media in an uproar over her latest gaffe, Senator Clinton herself today addressed the statement she had made when meeting with a group in West Virginia.

Jews represent a whopping 3.5% of Florida's population. But they publish 100% of the New York Times - so up yours, you anti-semitic, neo-nazi Mel Gibson fans!

Okay, so Bill thinks he was a great President - basing his presumption primarily on the state of the economy during his tenure. But apparently, no one ever dared to tell him,

"It was the internet, stupid!"

Soaring tech stocks kept the Clintons high and dry, no matter how heavily the rapids of Whitewater, Travelgate, Monica, et al attempted to drown the divisive duo in their own silly antics.

Journalistic integrity, having become an oxymoron long since they started labeling any controversy some form of -gate, has one of the most exciting general elections in history shaping up to be the most...

Incredibly... boring... sleeper... ever.

It appears the Boomers, that loud-mouthed, overbearing generation that refuses to fade away, have grown too geriatric to stage a sit-in.
So instead, they're staging a flush-in. Best not to veer too far from the bathroom these days I guess.
Anyway, apparently a couple of yuppie retards got together in a bar in San Francisco, and decided to name the city's sewer plant in honor of the outgoing yuppie retard, GW Bush.
And on the day he leaves office, they all plan to take a big dump, applauding themselves for their raucous satirical jab at the opposition.

Sad thing is - it's probably the funniest idea they've come up with in years.

And hey, I'd probably even get a good laugh out of it - other than the fact that they just never shut the hell up. Until they finally stage their final die-in, my guess is we'll never be rid of them. Ugh...

As a measure of their creativity and condescension, they've named subsequent generations X, Y - and I suspect they'll live long enough to get to Z?

So maybe I'll set up a PayPal account and have one of the yuppies fund my trip out to San Francisco - so I can take a big dump on Bush with the rest of the gang. Hardee har - cough, cough... where's my viagra?

And afterwards, maybe we can drop acid, smoke some weed, maybe bitch and moan some more about the man.

Only they've been "the man" for quite some time now - their proud legacy being the first generation to leave the country worse off than when they found it. Cool, man - like far out.

As a more fitting tribute, maybe all of the latter, lettered generations should now start referring to their toilet as the Boomer - ie "Man, I gotta go drop a boomer..."

I'll take a dump to that. Anybody with me?

Thanks to massive support from his army of small donors, Obama has outbid McCain - offering $400 million for the new fuel cell revealed today by former NASA engineer, Andrew Sullivan.

Developing....

UPDATE: The Obama Camp has declined to pay up, admitting that the $400 million was only "for show", as most Americans actually don't really care that much about alternative fuel cells, or public financing, or any of that crap.
More details will be revealed in Obama's groundbreaking, earth-shattering, critically acclaimed speech scheduled for later this week, entitled "Politics in America".
Andrew Sullivan will be also be forgoing continued development of the fuel cell, to focus on providing Obama more acclaim for what he believes will be a truly remarkable speech that transcends all previous transcendent speeches delivered by the messianic Barack Obama.
But, to be completely ironic, the whole cult following bit does kinda freak Mr. Sullivan out. Hrmmm...

Follow-up from earlier report:
Blogger Claims $300 Million McCain Energy Prize
http://clintonhaters.com/node/15

A former NASA engineer turned avid blogger has laid claim to McCain's $300 Million alternative energy fuel cell prize.
The blog, which can be found at:
http://myblogsucksbutigotbigtimemainstreammediaconnections.com
reveals the plans for the incredible new fuel cell, and is currently being reviewed by the McCain camp for authenticity. But scientists report that the prospects look extremely promising.

Not to be outdone by the McCain camp, Obama today announced their latest jingle, based on the Oscar Mayer Weiner oldie:

Oh I wish I were Barack Hussein Obama
That is what I truly want to be
Cause if I were Barack Hussein Obama
Everyone would be in love with me.
Hey Hey!

David Plouffe followed up the announcement with a simple
"In your FACE, John McCain!"

Pollsters are currently gauging which campaign jingle will have the broadest effect on independents, who researchers suggest make most of their decisions based on jingles.

Having been rejected by every conceivable liberal rocker, McCain has decided to forgo popular music and employ a familiar advertising jingle at future campaign events:

I am stuck on Band-Aid, cuz Band-Aid stuck on me
I am stuck on Band-Aid, cuz Band-Aid stuck on ME!

deftly switching the lyrics to:

I am stuck on John McCain, cuz McCain's stuck on me
I am stuck on John McCain, cuz McCain's stuck on ME!

Try to get THAT one out of your heads, Obama fans.

More lyrics after the jump... or not. What's a jump anyway?

The AP reports that Socks the Cat, former Clinton Whitehouse pet and Obama VP frontrunner, may reverse course - moving forward with damning evidence that could destroy the family's archrival, Barack Obama.

I've noticed a VERY disturbing trend here at ClintonHaters.com - and I may very well shut it down if this continues.
Apparently, Socks the Cat is being singled out for hatred. Currently, the poor little guy has secured 100% of the popular vote - though we should note that the majority of superdelegates are still holding out.
While I'm certainly not best pals with Bill and Hillary, I can't understand why Socks is being singled out for persecution. It's as if people are treating this extremely important caucus as a JOKE.
Well this is no joking matter, people.

http://www.salon.com/opinion/feature/2008/06/23/pumas/index.html

PUMAs, a cute acronym for "Party Unity My Ass", is the latest disparaging brand adopted by Hillary's defeated women warriors. Sorry ladies, but you lack the proper "street cred" to be turning derogatory slang on yourselves. For instance, the proper form of "The Bitch is Back!" might be something like "Da Bitchez is Back!" Otherwise, you're just calling yourselves bitches? But I digress...

As the owner of ClintonHaters.com, I was shocked to learn that I failed to make the Clinton Enemy List. You'd think I'd be Clinton Enemy #1, my face plastered across Post Offices throughout... well, Hope, Arkansas or something.
So I thought perhaps I could rectify this glaring omission by creating my own enemy list - and naming Chelsea Clinton as my worst enemy.
I don't really know Chelsea, and perhaps she's a pleasant girl - but I do know that the Clintons get really PO'd when people criticize their daughter.

I bought this domain on the day I read this article by Stanley Fish:

http://fish.blogs.nytimes.com/2008/02/03/all-you-need-is-hate/

For anyone interested, here's Wikipedia's background on the man:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stanley_Fish

Here's an excerpt from the entry - where some other idiot name Hirsche throws down some heavy Fish Hating, yo:

Ultimately, Hirsche sees Fish as left to "wander in his own Elysian fields, hopelessly alienated from art, from truth, and from humanity."

Oh, those bitter, bickering pseudo-intellectuals, masquerading as scholars...