Clinton Haters Never Underestimate, Rather Exploit the Stupidity of the General Public

Okay, so Bill thinks he was a great President - basing his presumption primarily on the state of the economy during his tenure. But apparently, no one ever dared to tell him,

"It was the internet, stupid!"

Soaring tech stocks kept the Clintons high and dry, no matter how heavily the rapids of Whitewater, Travelgate, Monica, et al attempted to drown the divisive duo in their own silly antics.

And then along came Obama, who dared to question the unquestionable:

Maybe Bill wasn't such a great President after all?

Maybe he got impeached. Maybe the Democrats lost both houses of Congress while he was in office.

Maybe the "Wizard of Is" has danced on his last grave. And now he's reduced to the sad character depicted for so long by "the vast, right wing conspiracy" - a red-faced, tempermental, self-serving crybaby.

With the curtains ripped asunder, all we see is a sad little old man, wagging his finger, damning the rest of the world to Hell. You can all KISS MY ASS!

So where is Bill? Hot on the campaign trail, giving his all for the Democrats?

Or is he off sulking somewhere, playing hide the cigar with some skank, mining for lost gold with all the might of his post-Presidential swagger?

Who knows? And, even more damaging to the man's ego - who cares?

[Update: Destiny emails, stressing that she is NOT a skank - and that her services to the ex-Prez are strictly limited to companionship. Our apologies to Destiny.]

But he'll be back. The Great Opportunist will eventually face the reality that, lacking a powerful position in the party, his speaking fees will plummet. So will the quality of the skanks. And hey - that situation is just NOT acceptable.

And so as the Fall campaign builds, we'll have the post-racial nominee doing his best to fend off the dangers posed by the post-Viagra ex-prez.

So Clinton lovers, please don't despair. Your hero shall return. If nothing else - to make DAMN certain that little punk from Chicago NEVER surpasses him. He is the GREATEST PRESIDENT THAT HAS EVER LIVED!

Hey, it's embarrasing enough to be caught red-handed with a chubby intern. But to go back to the chubs after years of hottie skanks... NOT hapnin'.

So if Obama is wondering what Clinton wants, just ask Jay Z's posse. Insure the man mo' money and mo' hos - and you've got your support.

Also, repeatedly emphasize that Clinton was the Greatest President EVER!

'Cuz even with all of his secular needs met, Bill's ego is the one purely spiritual desire, the single source of resolve that's actually strong enough to (temporarily) drive the evil spirits away. Bill loves himself more than anything else in the world.

Can the Ambassador to the World get away with booty calls? If so, there's your answer.

Or Obama - you can just continue to ignore him, at your own peril. Cuz Bill is well-primed to go off half-cocked. And when he does,

He will end you, dude.

The wrath of Bill Clinton can trump your spare change any day of the week. Steamed Bubba - now that's a delicacy the media just can NOT pass up.

"You've got to ask yourself one question, Obama:
Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk?"