Clinton Haters Never Underestimate, Rather Exploit the Stupidity of the General Public

Parker Brothers, makers of the beloved Monopoly board game, have drawn fire from critics for their latest innovation, created in cooperation with Google - Race Card.

While Race Card was initially critically acclaimed and promoted as a "Fun, Exciting, Educational Game - Diversity for the Whole Family!" - actual gameplay has had unintended adverse effects.

In Race Card, players are randomly assigned a Special Interest Group, and game play follows much along the same lines as the popular UNO card game:

Each player is dealt 7 cards with the remaining ones placed face down to form a "draw" pile. The top card of the draw pile is turned over to begin a "discard" pile, etc.

Or the player can throw down a Race Card. And, as the instructions note:

"This is where the fun begins!"

If a player who has been assigned the Special Interest Group represented by the Race Card plays their corresponding Race Card, the player can then choose to issue a Grievance. (Race Cards that could actually be harmful if played by the user can be discarded in what has become unofficially known as the "Clinton" pile.)

Race Cards and their corresponding Special Interest Groups are rated based on a formula concocted by Google (much like their Page Rank) that employs a secret algorithm to calculate the strength of the Race Card based on a measurement of both the past and current levels of oppression suffered by the Special Interest Group. As the Race Ranks remain fluid, the value of each Race Card can be viewed at any time by simply visiting:

http://www.google.com/racerank

But issuing a Grievance does not come without risk. Should a player request a Grievance from a player whose Special Interest Group outranks their own, they must pay Reparations to the aggrieved player.

However, following the play of a Race Card, the secret Special Interest Group chosen by the competing players are revealed, which is where "luck of the draw" ends and strategy comes into play.

The NAACP and JADL were first to enter the fray, criticizing Google's formulation of their special interest group's Race Rank. But Google has stood behind it's formulation, based on both current and historic levels of oppression. Google strictly forbids the disclosure of Race Rankings by third parties - so if you're interested in your SIG's current ranking, please visit the official site:

http://www.google.com/racerank

But sadly, the jousting between these powerful groups quickly dissipated when it was discovered that avid players were all too often resorting to the abuse of racial slurs both during and following gameplay. This activity was found equally offensive by both groups, who then joined together to boycott the game.

Finally, the ensuing LA Race Card Riot would have appeared to put the last nail in the popular game's coffin. The riot apparently began following a heated game in Compton, where the competing players chose to forgo their Grievance and instead pull a random white man from his truck and beat him half to death.

But in all fairness, the man's Race Rank was reported, at the time, to be extremely low.

But though the game has since been pulled from store shelves, the banning of the game has had the unintended, though quite common, effect of making the game even more popular.

And a recent Gallup poll has shown that the vast majority of Americans lied when asked if they owned or had ever played the game. Sales of the game would indicative massive saturation, whereas less than 1% of those polled reported having played Race Card.

So what does the future hold for Race Card? Parker Brothers and Google are currently developing a revision of the game - though spokespersons from both companies admit that, historically, the concept (while popular with the media and politicians) has never really panned out very well for the general public.