Clinton Haters - Never Underestimate, Rather Exploit the Stupidity of the General Public

First Dude: "The Media Peed on My Rug, Man"

admin — Thu, 04 Sep 2008 14:52:40 -0700

Todd Palin returned home today, only to be worked over by a group of investigative journalists in a case of mistaken identity.
"They peed on my rug, man," Palin groaned, "That rug really tied the room together."
Palin, who the Republicans had hoped would help boost their ticket, has become known for going a bit off-message. In yesterday's McCain/Palin conference call, he appeared to lash out at McCain as he spoke of his POW service:

Clinton/Bush Dynasty Will Be Strictly Enforced

admin — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 11:50:51 -0700

I'd just like to quickly address the concerns of those enamored with the Clintons, concerning the fate of their beloved Hillary.

According to campaign operatives, Hillary was under a great deal of sniper fire the day she made the RFK assassination gaffe - ultimately leading to the temporary "suspension" of her campaign. Like most stupid comments the Clintons make, reparations must be made. And this takes time.

"Race Card" Game Provokes LA Riot... Eventually

admin — Fri, 04 Jul 2008 10:51:02 -0700

Parker Brothers, makers of the beloved Monopoly board game, have drawn fire from critics for their latest innovation, created in cooperation with Google - Race Card.

Clinton: "Take Him Out" Comment Misinterpreted

admin — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 07:41:24 -0700

With the media in an uproar over her latest gaffe, Senator Clinton herself today addressed the statement she had made when meeting with a group in West Virginia.

Courting Florida's Jews: Can Obama Claim the Big Prize?

admin — Sun, 29 Jun 2008 20:48:47 -0700

Jews represent a whopping 3.5% of Florida's population. But they publish 100% of the New York Times - so up yours, you anti-semitic, neo-nazi Mel Gibson fans!

Big Bubba Plotting Revenge on Obama

admin — Sun, 29 Jun 2008 10:28:31 -0700

Okay, so Bill thinks he was a great President - basing his presumption primarily on the state of the economy during his tenure. But apparently, no one ever dared to tell him,

"It was the internet, stupid!"

Soaring tech stocks kept the Clintons high and dry, no matter how heavily the rapids of Whitewater, Travelgate, Monica, et al attempted to drown the divisive duo in their own silly antics.

Praising the Emperor's New Clothes: Meet the (Rest of the) Press

admin — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 03:34:59 -0700

Journalistic integrity, having become an oxymoron long since they started labeling any controversy some form of -gate, has one of the most exciting general elections in history shaping up to be the most...

Incredibly... boring... sleeper... ever.

Blogger Claims $300 Million McCain Energy Prize

admin — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 18:34:10 -0700

A former NASA engineer turned avid blogger has laid claim to McCain's $300 Million alternative energy fuel cell prize.
The blog, which can be found at:
http://myblogsucksbutigotbigtimemainstreammediaconnections.com
reveals the plans for the incredible new fuel cell, and is currently being reviewed by the McCain camp for authenticity. But scientists report that the prospects look extremely promising.

Obama is an Oscar Mayer Weiner?

admin — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 17:42:23 -0700

Not to be outdone by the McCain camp, Obama today announced their latest jingle, based on the Oscar Mayer Weiner oldie:

Oh I wish I were Barack Hussein Obama
That is what I truly want to be
Cause if I were Barack Hussein Obama
Everyone would be in love with me.
Hey Hey!

David Plouffe followed up the announcement with a simple
"In your FACE, John McCain!"

Pollsters are currently gauging which campaign jingle will have the broadest effect on independents, who researchers suggest make most of their decisions based on jingles.

McCain Gets Stuck on Band-Aids

admin — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 11:23:08 -0700

Having been rejected by every conceivable liberal rocker, McCain has decided to forgo popular music and employ a familiar advertising jingle at future campaign events:

I am stuck on Band-Aid, cuz Band-Aid stuck on me
I am stuck on Band-Aid, cuz Band-Aid stuck on ME!

deftly switching the lyrics to:

I am stuck on John McCain, cuz McCain's stuck on me
I am stuck on John McCain, cuz McCain's stuck on ME!

Try to get THAT one out of your heads, Obama fans.

More lyrics after the jump... or not. What's a jump anyway?